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Tuesday, 05 August 2008

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z

OH, Heidianne....I'm so so sorry for everyone who knew and loved her, but especially for her.
This is a beautiful tribute, really; it shows what a good heart Holly had..but it shows also just how much good she could have done in the world with that great big heart, and that makes it all the more poignant and terribly sad. it sounds like she exactly felt like Sylvia Plath and those figs.
I wish her folks were people of faith. For their sake. And maybe it might have prevented this senseless death.
z

heidianne jackson

thank you, z. and i could not agree with you more on the notion of faith and prevention. i am mostly worried about how this will impact her sisters (17 & 15) as they try to make sense of it all. i am only thankful that my own children are all still here.

how, as a parent, do you get through this? how do you wake up every morning with the pain of knowing your child didn't trust you to help them make sense of what was happening?

maybe i am wrong, but it seems to me that dealing with your child's death because of suicide would be infinitely more horrible than dealing with their death by illness. or war. or perhaps even by a stranger.

my prayers will be with them for now and always. thanks, again.

Uncle Joe

I am so sorry. My condolences to you and her family.

Defiant_Infidel

I am so very saddened for those in her family that she abandoned. With no malice intended, that is the right word, too. Their suffering (and obviously you and Mr. J., Heidianne) will never really get an answer.

There isn't any valid reason to extinguish your own light, no matter how dim it seems to get. It is especially unfair as others fight on against their own disease and anguish, yet lose to that which they cannot control. That should be God's decision... but He does leave it up to each of us until then. With good reason, too. Life is a guarantee-less test of so many required strengths. It is quite tragic she lost her most vital ones. Poor thing.

A dear friend of mine did the same last October 6th. He left behind a young, beautiful daughter and a wife he thought was somehow worthy of him taking his own life. I loved him and miss him so, but I cannot forgive his decision. It must be such a desperate place to reach, when you can consider nothing else any longer but your own pain.

My most sincere sympathies for her family and you both. May God hold you all.

heidianne jackson

thank you uncle joe.

heidianne jackson

di, thanks for your thoughts and prayers. it is indeed a hard week for all of us.

i agree with you that suicide is, perhaps, the most selfish act a person can commit. when you get so wrapped up in your own pain that you cannot see any future, it's all just self-pity.

i will, indeed, miss her greatly.

Angel

I'm so so sorry HeidiAnne..I too read the Bell Jar..sigh...and I think we can relate to how it feels to get utterly hopeless at times..God bless you and her family hun.:)

Steve Harkonnen

I've stopped by here in the past - I came here today b/c you posted over in G's blog. I often click profiles which get me to other blogs.

Suicide is tough. I have been there before. At one point I felt I had nothing to live for, so yes, I tried suicide and the attempt failed because I passed out trying to use a garotte (a means of self-strangulation).

When I came to, I realized the pain I experienced, plus multiple neck bruises. It's difficult to talk about this, but sometimes it helps. This was five years ago, but now I am doing fine.

Nikki

Heidianne, this is soooo terrible. Suicide is so hard to understand and yet we know she was in a very bad place feeling no hope and no other option. I suppose we have all been there but this is to a degree that no one really understands and should not judge her. God bless her and her family. :)N

heidianne jackson

angel, you are right in that there are times i have felt utterly hopeless. however, even in my darkest hours i have always KNOWN there was hope because i KNOW god. thank you.

heidianne jackson

steve, thanks for sharing your history. i am glad that the passing out woke you up (so to speak). glad you're still about to share with us - i'm certain your wife and family are too.

heidianne jackson

nikki, you are SO right - it hard not to be upset with her, but i must keep reminding myself that she didn't know god so she didn't know that god makes all things possible. maybe not in the manner we seek, but in the manner best to glorify him. thanks for stopping by and your well wishes!

Sunflower Desert

Heidianne,

I'm so sorry for what this family is going through. Holly was the same age that our daughter is, and we are just getting ready to send her back to college for her senior year. It is a difficult time period in the life of young people. They have so much to offer the world, yet I know our daughter has difficulty handling stress, anxiety, and even depression. I will pray that the Holy Spirit comforts this family in their time of loss and that you find comforting words for their spirits. Once again, very sorry to hear this.

Dee

I am so sorry, what a tragedy. One of my very close friends committed suicide when I was only 17. To this day, it was one of the hardest things I've ever been through.

I wish there was a way to convey to those like "holly" how much devastation is left in the wake of their choice and how God could've used her life for good.

A fellow homeschooling Mom committed suicide a year ago and it was so painful to see her 3 boys and know that they would be growing up without a Mom.

I will be praying for this family. I am so sorry for your loss.

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